A Lack of Blogs?

Okay, so I have a few days before the blog shuts down may as well make use of them right?

While I was doing some research on blogging and how to bring in some money with it, the whole June looming near is driving me batty. I came across a list of 300 plus blogs that accept guest posts by a guy named Andre Dubois, that’s great right? 300 blogs out there to guest post on and as I eagerly scrolled through to look for blogs to submit guest posts to my heart sank. Out of the list, there were none listed for special needs. Don’t get me wrong I know they are out there, and there are blogs like The Mighty that do accept guests posts I know. I was just shocked to see a list that large neglect a community that offers some of the best blogs in my opinion. We reach out, we help each other, we build each other up, whether our kids or our own needs are large or small we do our best to pull together. That in and of itself makes our blogs great, but I guess the world at large may not see us on their radar. Maybe we are just a small blip on the internet scanner, but I am glad that I’m here with others trying to make our struggles, our joys, and everything in between normalised by society and appreciated, above all I’m glad there are bloggers out there making sure we all know we are not alone! Keep it up.

Bad Days and The Man Who Gets the Wrath

Sometimes it isn’t so easy to keep the pain from muscles and migraines rising to the surface and having its “fun”. It seems the bad days have been more common the good lately for me and by the time I get home from work I have little patience for anyone, but I grit my teeth, grin, and bear it for the little one. By the time bedtime comes for her I am ready to follow.

Being new to the married life this has bothered me a bit, whether it bothers my sweet husband or not, I doubt I will ever know. He has been a rock for me and keeps reassuring me that it is okay to lay down and rest. The other day, however, it didn’t seem to matter what he did it wasn’t right and I was a grump. I felt horrible then and I do now, but to him, he just kept loving me right on through it.

I am so grateful to have found this strong man who is bringing me lunch as I type, so I don’t have to move. I feel lazy on bad days and then again when I am trying to do a bit of research with a migraine and he is trying to get me to eat. I know I am the luckiest woman on the face of the planet when it comes to the man I married, but I worry how much he can take. Even though he says its fine and he understands, and I do my best to make sure he knows how much we love and appreciate him. (I mean the small one does tolerate him breathing her air.) I know it isn’t easy on the days I can’t move around or my migraines have me in bed as soon as I get done with work and momming (Ooh made up a word. Think Webster will call?). This man though he goes to work, he comes home he makes dinner, and then he just relaxes next to me or does what he can to comfort me. It may not be the ideal situation, but I know he is in this for the long haul. One day I hope I can be as good a spouse to him as he is to me. And yes I just spent an entire post gushing over my husband but I feel like he deserves some credit. I also wanted to finish this post up before I closed down my blog. It was in my drafts and I wanted to publish it.

LAST BLOG POST

Alas the time has come and it has been fun, but I will be signing off for good from ASDhemidystoinawritingandme. My time is up and I don’t have the funds to keep it going. Other things have come up and taken priority, like bills. lol. I may try my hand at it some other time, and possibly make a go of blogging. I haven’t been very active I know, or very successful at building an audience, to be honest, I am not sure how or where, to begin with, the audience part of the equation. This past year has been focused on trying to find a source of income so that I can stay at home with my little one and now with a baby on the way, my focus has shifted from my main purpose for this blog, to share my love of writing, with a bit of knowledge/take on certain things. I apologize to the few of you who have kept up reading my posts, and to anyone who may stumble upon this and wish to hear more from me. However until I get things right with my family and a little more in the way of funds, I will be signing off now. With much love, respect, and thankfulness.  Destiny.

The Death of a Fish

So it happened the dreaded day I knew would come, her pet fish died. He has been with us for about a year and he was her best friend. She told him things I am sure I will never know, her ability to talk to him and express herself was equal to no other relationship she has. Now Fishy as she named him has gone to the big bowl in the sky.

Now the processing starts she cried some today and then wanted to know what happened. I explained fish have a short lifespan and that a year was good for a fish, especially since when we got him I thought he was going to die before we got home, he was not the healthiest looking fish, to begin with. Why is he important, though? Other than being her first pet and the first living creature she was responsible for, he was her best friend.

Friendship is a valuable thing for any child they need love and affection from more than just parents. When you’re the awkward kid that has trouble getting people to play with you on the playground sometimes the best friend becomes a pet, for her it was Fishy. That is not to say she doesn’t have human friends, it is just hard to work playdates with friends who live twenty to forty-five minutes away when parents only have one or two days off a week and many times not on weekends. She usually doesn’t express herself to the human friends around her unless there are specific questions asked so she follows along with whatever they are doing.

Fishy provided a proverbial ear, with his gentle swimming and easy going ways. It probably didn’t hurt that he was a Betta fish and was attracted to color. So to her it always seemed like he was listening, she fed him and chatted to her heart’s content with him, with no interruptions or doubts that he was interested in what she had to say. I caught her more than once sharing her tablet time with him, and reading (maybe her least favorite subject but whatever works right?) to him when she thought no one was around to hear.

Fishy also provided one other thing that I always appreciated, he provided calm when her world was chaos. When she had a bad day she could sit in the quiet of her room and watch him swim back and forth in his bowl. Unlike any other animal he had no desire or way to be in her face or to try and touch her, she usually has no desire to be touched when she is overstimulated as well, so the relationship worked well. Just a gentle fish and his girl hanging out for an afternoon no words had to be said on those days, just a mutual peace and some fish food would pass between them.

Will there be another fish in the future? I don’t know for now she has no desire for another fish, but there is still time in processing things and for her it maybe a few weeks before she works everything out. She still brings up things from preschool two years ago that I never heard about until she says something. Only time will tell with our sweet girl.

Minecraft® A Wife And Mom’s Experience

My husband and I have been married since June and in that amount of time the fever has reigned in our house. What fever? The fever of blocks and the building and the digital looking things running across the screen. A Minecraft® toy was even what my sweet girl picked out for my husband for Christmas, so “he” could play with it. The two of them have spent many afternoons building, squealing (yes, even my hubby squeals at times), and running from the exploding critters.

So how does this tie into what I normally write? I know, I know, I’m getting there. I know I can’t be the only mom or wife on the face of the planet who just doesn’t get it. I’m sure there are other blogs who have covered the conundrum as well, and I am just chiming in with my two cents here. I also know that Minecraft® for several members of the Autism community seems to be a big deal. I can’t speak as someone on the spectrum, but rather as an observer. What’s the appeal? I have my ideas, one of them being building a world of your own when the outside world can be overwhelming and the people in it at times cruel, is a great gift of escape and leisure. Similar to some people playing golf or watching football.

I have watched my girl’s eyes light up at having to gather this and that to make whatever thing-a-mabob the game requires to make a bigger dooma-a-flotchy. (Can you tell I don’t play?) This is actually a skill that transfers over to real life. Learning that you have to build from the ground up is a lesson I have seen some adults not comprehend. Granted the look I get when I ask why you have to gather this thing for that thing from both of them, may end them both up in the dog house. I can’t complain about her learning skills, though. Considering she knows what this vanilla thing is my husband talks about and that it takes certain components to run Minecraft® or it will crash, at six, and I’m like when did you learn Greek, I guess I’ll live with the looks.

Possibly the best thing I have seen is a bond developing between her and my husband. She has liked him since we met, but bonding, to begin with, was mainly because she knew there would be Shopkins® at the end, for getting out of her comfort zone. Now, they do science projects together, she prefers him to make her chicken noodle soup in the evenings over me, and she wants to hang out with him even if I have to work. Is it because of Minecraft®? I don’t know, to be honest, but I know that it certainly hasn’t hurt. My husband is planning on doing some streaming on Youtube® before long and bringing her in as well when she is ready, and she is super excited about the idea. Her shell is becoming more transparent and she is blooming, it is a beautiful thing to watch. That isn’t to say she won’t have meltdowns, anxiety, and various other things to handle, but I know Minecraft® days are going to be good. It is thanks to my hubby she has those fun days, and it is one more reason I fall in love with him a little more each day. I reckon just like him the Minecraft® thing is here to stay.

 

 

Dog days in October?

The long and short of it has been that it is extremely warm for this time of year, even in the south. I think I’ve also seen more dogs around town with their owners than I can count. I know some are service animals while others are not. Service animals I don’t mind, and generally, I don’t mind dogs I do however mind when dogs are not kept with their owners appropriately. Yes, if you have an animal in public I feel it is respectful to others to have the animal leashed, sorry if it offends you. I have two reasons for this outlook you never know what may happen in a moment and you should be able to keep your pet close to you or draw them back is an option, also you never know what is going on with another person and it is respectful to them, not everyone finds fluffy (as cute as he may be) a welcome visitor. That stated I will relate my story because my silly girl is silly.

The story is set at Walmart, a woman had a big dog on a leash, which I am appreciative of, outside as we were leaving. My child is more afraid of dogs, with the exception of one she has ever known, to the point flight or fight kicks in, normally flight winning. The big dog lay sprawled not hurting anyone or looking much like he cared about anyone, I would guess as he was a service dog if I had too (given his manners). Our poor girl if I wouldn’t have been holding her hand would have darted right in front of a car, she was upset I made her stay on the sidewalk. The resounding cry I’m sure was heard in Canada rang through the air. “I have to get away from that dog!”

I explained while I respected her fear she simply couldn’t run out in front of a car because she would be run over and turned into a pancake and it would be a waste of good flesh. (Our humor it makes an impression.) She reflected on this a moment then piped up. “Yeah I guess I have to pay attention so I don’t get turned into a pancake like your other kid. What was his name?”

No, I don’t have another kid, much less one who was run over. I vaguely recall a telling her when she about three that there were children who were run over by cars so she couldn’t go in the street. So, what choice did I have but to answer? “Bill.”

“How old was he? He was younger than me wasn’t he?”

“I think he was about four.”

“You miss him? Don’t worry you have me now, and I’ll pay better attention because I’m six and I’ll be seven on my next birthday and I won’t get turned into a pancake because I know how to look out for cars.”

This conversation lasted us until we were home. Poor Bill the kid I never had, if you have made her think about the road more seriously then rest your poor imaginary soul. Your life was brief but your affect long. I have read stories and been mortified and heartbroken, for many a mom who have lost their babies to a car and I want to do my best to keep her thinking at all times about street safety. If this story makes her think, then I will be happy for her to think of Bill from time to time.

 

A Brief Thought On Kids and Disablities

If you have children chances are they have come into contact with a child who has a disability. How did your child react? How did the interaction make them feel? How do we teach our children to accept individuals, who are not only their age but also adults, who may be different from themselves?

A big portion of the answer is how you react to different individuals, our children watch us constantly and mimic much of what we do. The last time you saw someone with a limp, who flapped their arms excitedly, or who talked funny what was your reaction? Did you steer your children in the opposite direction? Did you crack a joke? Did you stare slack-jawed? Or did you smile politely and speak to the person if you were spoken to? How did you handle yourself?
Now that you’ve examined your own reactions, ask yourself if you’ve ever discussed differently abled individuals with your children? Tell them it is okay to ask questions instead of stare. Staring is rude, asking a question opens up a chance for your child to learn about other people. Tell them that other children who may not look or act the same as themselves still want friends. Emphasize it is okay to be friends with people who have different abilities and encourage them to play and get to know these kids. Let your children know they may need to change the way they play with other children, but that they may find playing a different way they learn something new. Above all else make sure you let your children know people with different abilities than they have are still people too.
So what happens if your kid hits it off and there is a play date? Is there different playdate edict for going to play with a differently abled child than for going to little Billy’s house? This may vary depending on what the child is bravely facing. A simple call before the playdate could resolve any questions you may have. If Jenny has Autism she may be overstimulated by Barbie dolls but loves playdoh that her mom already has available. Both are fun just one is easier for Jenny to process. If Ralph has seizures maybe the video games aren’t a great idea, but Legos are better. If Sarah has Spina Bifida and uses a walker, roller skates may be better left at home, but playing in the yard is still going to be a lot of fun. If you ask a parent they will be full of ideas.